Happened to stumble upon another amazing song by lifehouse today. Can't believe I never came across it in the past. Unfortunately in conversion some quality was lost, Blogger needs to support flv man. Anyway here it is, lifehouse's Come Back Down, enjoy!

Just feeling really, really weary. Been getting more sick since sunday and I have absolutely no heart to go for the MA paper tomorrow. I haven't done my cheat sheet, I've never even seen like half the syllabus before. It'll be a miracle if I can do more than 2 questions tomorrow. How many questions are there? I don't know, I didn't check out the exam format either. I don't even feel like stepping into the exam hall.

I just think you should go for it and give your best, to finish well. You know what I mean?

Yeah I know you mean. My parents want me to finish this sem well regardless of where I'll be next sem. I did too. But well I guess I lost any sense of purpose in being here long ago. Sigh. I don't know.

Sorry again if you end up reading this.

It hasn't been the best of weeks. A headache from sunday has gotten worse into sore throat/block nose/chills. Even with a jacket on it was pretty uncomfortable in the freezing exam hall yesterday. Regardless, today is still cause for celebration! Today was the launch of the National Workplace Safety and Health Campaign and also the prize giving ceremony for the "Safety Starts With Me" Campaign. We had to report pretty early and had a lot of free time after the briefing so I went to look at the exhibits while waiting. There were lots of good pieces, stories, posters, photos, videos and 3D models, but this poster I really like.


I think it's really aesthetic, from the positioning of the text relative to the blocks to the white outlining and all. Really cool. There was a pre-primary to primary category and the kids were really cute, especially while waiting around haha



After the launch we had to station ourselves by our work as the Minister of Manpower, Mr Gan Kim Yong, and some other VIPs toured the exhibits. After hearing that I was from NUS mech engin, the chairman of WSH asked if there was much taught on safety there lol but well, so far its like mostly lectures. He said they were considering putting it into our syllabus! Do I see an Engineering Safety 1101 (ES1101) inc?!? But fortunately they said we'll get our safety training during internship and/or after joining a company and that they probably shouldn't fatten our already bursting syllabus. Phew....


It's been a while since the concept submission in february, and it's still pretty unreal. I saw the video advertisement on TVMobile umpteen times before considering to take part. After deciding and thinking up ideas I almost forgot about the submission dateline and was logging off msn past midnight and about to sleep when I remembered I had to mail it in the morning. Picked up a pencil and did some quick sketching and wrote more than I drew. Kinda weird for a 3D model submission lol. From then till now, winning the silver, $3000 and being able to get a new laptop after losing one in January... I really thank God, this is just unreal....

EG1413, PJC, Bras Basah

It's the EXAMS. I mean it's (supposedly) the reading week, but the first of the exams of NUS has started on the thursday of reading week. Critical thinking and writing paper today, and after the paper Ivan and myself went down to collect our position paper. We got 70 for the paper and 75 for oral defence. So far for this module I've gotten

Assignment 1: 71 (21%)
Assignment 2: 75 (21%)
OD: 70 (9%)

leaving class participation (9%) (which I should get 70+ for also, this module is such a joy after all the terribad engin tutorials) and today's paper which is 40%. Hopefully I can get an A for this module, at least let me get one A in NUS before I leave haha!

Went down to PJ yesterday and caught up a bit with Wei Wei, Mrs Low and our coach. To think 3+ years has flown past just like that... Also wanted to check out if they needed any PE relief teachers but the term ends in May and my last paper is on the first week of May so not much point... I guess it'll be back to SMC if they still have space, wonder how much the staff there have changed, I remember a lot of them left/were leaving around the time I stopped.

Before going to PJ I was at Bras Basah again, I got the stuff I wanted for Mother's Day but I'm not sure I'll be able to pull it off, and I need to start like really soon cause it's coming and I still have papers to study for! While I was there I popped by Tec Man was just looking around (for something I knew was highly super unlikely would be there but I still went in anyway, BUT got another idea for something that'll I work on tomorrow. Probably.).

Timor? Timor.

Some weeks back I was thinking abut going back to Timor, and while running last night Pastor Peter called me, but I didn't realise it cause my phone was on silent and in my pocket. He mentioned about leading a team much earlier in the year and asked some of us if we were interested but he said he would like to finalise names around end march or so, so I thought there wasn't any point in checking with him if it was still possible. But it turns out he's confirming names around this period so it might be possible to go back.

Just saw Rachel's photos of New Zealand and I'll love to go there someday, it just breathtaking man. But strangely enough, with Timor at the back of my mind seeing the photos made me want to go back to Timor and be the team photographer this time. More of an excuse to get my hands on the camera. I mean of course I'll take shots of the trip and the stuff we did and all but I what I really want to capture is the places and people just as they are, their homes, daily lives etc, not shots of Timorese kids around a bunch of malae..

It might not be breathtaking, it might not be beautiful, it might be the kind of photos you post on facebook which people take a look at a photo or two then just skip the album

It might be dusty, boring, rundown, broken, painful, but it'll definitely be reality and their everyday. If we see beautiful places and wish to be a part of it, when we see broken places would we wish to be part of changing it?

Why didn't I immediately agree? Thoughts about NIE and orientation and all. But heck it, school term should start only in August and if I miss orientation JTB, it's a rather lame concern compared to Timor...

Maromak hadomi Timor Leste

Bro's birthday, Sakae and much, much more...

We celebrated my brother's birthday by having a dinner buffet at sakae sushi. My brother and sister had planned to keep all the plates to see how many we could stack up to, but unfortunately a waitress cleared some while we were chatting. Then again I don't think we ate that much haha. He's getting a razer salmosa mouse just like my sister!

Just before dinner the mention of sakae led to a conversation about japanese food with some details seemingly too coincidental to be true. It was like, no wayyyyy this is just unreal, zhen de na me qiao mah?!?

After getting back to hall bumped into Jerryl and Timothy who showed me this hilarious clip on the World of World of Warcraft, enjoy!

First run to KAP mac in a looooong time. Hill runs last week was bad and an urgent reminder that I need to get down to some serious training with sundown up in a month and a half's time. Heard there'll be IPPT during ICT in June so I should aim to hit gold by then, though it seems extremely far away at the moment. The run was pretty tiring at the start and as I was approaching Maju I was wondering if I was actually going to finish this.

Stop thinking about the pain and how tired you are

Ease up and just enjoy the run, the music and the cool of the night. A few steps later I see a familiar slope on the left, the slope leading up to Maju.

Nights out and dota-ing with the rest, supper at Al Ahmin/Al Azah/Mac, early morning runs to Hwa Chong... Good memories

My pace picks up and I run more relaxed. I guess sometimes during tough times our memories help carry us through. The times we were weary from studying and someone starts talking about the crazy things we used to do, everyone has a good laugh and after awhile we go back to our work refreshed. The times in army when you think you won't make it through but you remember all the other crazy and draining times you had, keep your head up and push on...

But I wonder, do we do the same think with God? When times are tough do we hold on to the memories of how he carried us through, or do we merely cry of why things are the way they are? I guess sometimes we let circumstances overwhelm us and unknowingly, we let one situation in time overshadow eternal character, I know I do sometimes.

A psalmist cried out "I lift up my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." (Psalm 121:1-2)

Isaiah said "but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint" (Isaiah 40:31)

In a time when Israel was oppressed Zephaniah said "On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: 'let not you hands grow weak. The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoic over you with gladness; he will quiet you with his love he will exult over you with loud singing". (Zephaniah 3:16-17)   

But sometimes it seems that what I'll be crying out is why, as if I didn't already have enough things on my plate and giving my best, this has to happen. I guess sometimes blessings seem to become entitlements. This journey won't always be smooth sailing, but I'll always have someone watching over me. May the memories of every mountain  He brings me through along the way remind me that He'll be there with me through the next one too...

Psalm 77:9-15

Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?

Then I said."I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High"

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. Your way, O God, is holy. What god is great like our God? You are the God who works wonders; you have made known your might among your people. You with your arm redeemed your people, the children of Jacob and Joseph.

My own laptop once again =)

Went down to Funan today and after walking around many shops with my sister, we found the best deal at a shop called pa mart (one floor below the food court). They were willing to change the Mircosoft Office package to an Acer extended 3 year warranty for a top up of $50. Other shops charged like 200+ to 300+ for the extended warranty and gave some anti virus thingy instead. In the end it cost $1548. After long hours of file transferring from my brother's laptop to mine, I finally got to use a proper computer again hahaha. No more long loading times for web pages and hmm yes I installed microsoft office, no more uber long openoffice loading times and thinking that docx can't be opened by openoffice =X Has a pretty cool media touch pad at the side with play/pause, stop, forward, rewind and volume scale. Only 2 usb ports though, and the USB hub I just bought is SPOILT lol gotta go change it on tuesday.

Matthew 27:29 and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!

1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.

Love and humility. Guess that was what I was thinking about today. The humbling of oneself and the servant hood symbolized in feet washing doesn't even come close to what was done on the cross. Bearing the weight of sin of those who scorned him, mocked him, crucified him...

1 Peter 2:23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

Luke 23:34 And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

What kind of a heart does it take to be able to do that? Admittedly I'll probably take after Peter instead, draw my sword and let swing (and aim for more than just an ear).

You bought my life
With the blood that You shed on the cross
When you died
For the sins of Man
And you let out a cry, crucified, now alive in me

These hands are Yours
Teach them to serve as You please
And I reach out
Desperate to see all the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in You

I'll never be the same
No, I'll never be the same

Cause I know that You're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy Name, Jesus Christ

Guess the above lyrics sums up Good Friday best for me.

Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory

Oral defence for EG1413 DOWN! Brings a close to our position paper after so many weeks. It went pretty smoothly and seemed more like a pretty casual conversion than a defence lol. Especially after how the previous group told us they got kinda hammered by her. Gave Ivan the capo I bought for him the other day. Speaking of new stuff, my sister got a shirt for me from the USA and a pair of adidas slippers for my brother but it was too big for him so I got it instead haha.
Long day tomorrow I should probably go turn in.

28th! =)

Got the email regarding the award details but I'm rather confused...

You and 1guest are invited to attend the awards ceremony at the NWSH Campaign 2009 launch on Tuesday 28 April 2009, 1130am at the Tropics Atrium @ Suntec City Mall.

I thought the launch was open to the public. So what's with the 1 guest thingy, or is it a case of a seated area for invited guests only but the public are free to watch as well? Probably drop them an email tomorrow to clarify. It seems they take it pretty seriously,

Please note that your team will be required to attend a compulsory rehearsal on Monday 27 April, 700 pm - 830 pm at the Tropics Atrium @ Suntec City Mall.

MLE exam in the morning and rehearsal in the evening. 30th is MA paper (which I'll probably die at) If anyone's interested, in conjunction with the National Workplace Safety and Health Campaign, there will be an exhibition of the winning entries (3D modeling, posters, videos, photography etc) from Tuesday 28th April till Sunday 3rd May at the Tropics Atrium at Suntec City.

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Went down to Brewerkz with Ting Yu for pick up. Terrible field. Small, uneven and slippery... But on the bright side it was bad enough that they decided it shall be moved back to West Coast haha. No longer a need for the long travel time (which most unfortunately, is even longer than the game itself). Still pretty rusty at ultimate, made a lot of fumbles in the end zone that would have been goals instead, but still scored a few here and there. Diving for one tore open my knee wound again sigh... It's been there since like late January, when it eventually heals there'll probably be a permanent scar.

Thank You Lord

Terribad storm in the afternoon today while having lunch, at first it was drizzling when we were walking over to techno and once we got our food it turned into a storm. But in the midst of it I received a call. "Hi, is this Matthew Kwan? This is Mark Han.."

Hmmm I remember the lady at GlobeArt mentioning something about the judging being around the start of April, could it be...

I'll like to congratulate you on getting the second prize for the 3D modeling competition..

OH YESSSSSSSSS

Unfortunatedly the storm made communication difficult cause he could barely hear me. He updated me on the details of the prize presentation and said he would send me an email (I should probably start giving my gmail instead of hotmail, fa5tbr3ak can be terribly difficult to communicate over the phone). Wooo $3K! Guess that solves my laptop problem hehe. After hearing about it Ivan starts talking about the things he would buy with 3k, an electric guitar, an effects paddle, a capo (yes, I'll get that one for you).

It's been really surreal... Thank you Lord for the favor and miracle =)

I really should have kept my letters better...

Sunday: Was cleaning up my table in the afternoon in a bid to make more space on it. Guess I'm too used to my table back here in Eusoff. At home I put my laptop and mouse pad down and there goes all the space I have. I wonder how I managed to clear so much off my table considering I barely used it the past year. While I was freed up space going through files, rearranging books etc, I stumbled upon a few letters from a long time ago. I wish I had kept letters from my younger days better... One was from a guy called Jinghui who was a group leader for a recycling CIP project that Singapore Youth for Christ helped conduct with GESS back in 2002. Funny how we both went to PJ and then became a combat engineer specialist. Unfortunatedly he met me in a time when I had drifted away from church. I remember turning him down a few times when he wanted to meet up. When we finally met at YFC at the end of it I remember telling him I wasn't interested in joining them. He must have been pretty disappointed, especially with all the effort he put in. Not so pleasant memories... 2002, oldest letter I have, at least every one after it tells of a different story...

The next few came together in a stack of four. One was a red card with a yellow star in the center. Hmmm Vietnam? Opened the card...

Hey precious gentleman

kind words from a leader I'll be forever grateful too. Gentle, loving and a great worship leader. One of my first leaders after I returned to church. Yes, it was from our mission trip to Vietnam, the first mission trip I had been to. Still remember much from that trip... Travelling to the orphanage that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, working with the kids there and giving them some of the bread we had brought. Working with the deaf/mute. Finishing up our skit preparations at a missionary's house that went late into the night, in the midst of which Wee Kok and myself had to go buy water for the next day. The two of us retraced the path we took to the place we had dinner at and stopped at the supermarket that was along the route. First time (coming to think it of I think it was the first and only time) I had ever seen 5 litre mineral water bottles. We bought a few and started our epic journey of lugging them back. Us being the "vanguard" whenever the team was out since we were the only guys. Good times... Makes me think of going back to Timor again, wonder if in the coming holidays there's any team to Dili where Lishan is...

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Done with the I am list, next up is the long overdue Treasure Hunt camp debrief. Just need to collect one more submission to complete the compilation.

My cell has now found new loves; bowling and arcade basketball lol. We were at SAFRA Mount Faber and had 2 hilarious games of bowling. Matthew (koh) , Cedric and Josh had a few chain 9/- frames and they just sprawled on the floor screaming WHYYYYYY. Melissa needed her M&M's and Kit Kat "energy boosters" before she bowled. Someone even had a classic chiongtothelaneswingandhavetheballflybackwards episode haha. Matthew was pleased with his first over 100 game and Josh with his spare-strike-spare ( which was unfortunatedly followed by a -/-). Was interesting to watch them cheer each other on and even try to give each other advice, maybe Alina was right, "red sea" starting to close? Matthew even volunteered to go over to the girls team for a 3v3, something absolutely unthinkable in the past.
We spent some time at the arcade which didn't really have much stuff. We ended up chionging the basketball machine trying to break scores. Top tag team was Cedric and myself and the worse score was when we tried to squeeze 5 people at once. Shots that were going in got hit out by someone elses shot lol. At service we're sitting as a cell again, as requested by them haha, good stuff...

Service next week is about a lady who was stranded (left clinging to a canoe) at sea for 3 days and how God saw her through it, a modern day Jonah!

Done with part of the "I am" list that I've been pushing back for a long time now. Between the 101 things going on, tests, IHG, sets I'm sure I could have found time here and there to do them but I didn't. Character isn't something you try to attain like a certificate or try to show the world, it's something you live. What was defining about you today means little if tomorrow you walk another way and throw it away. The "I am" list, chasing people for stuff I needed to compile the Treasure Hunt debrief that should have been submitted months ago... I guess I had let some events and situations overwhelm me, and was just sick of the ways things had been turning out. But it's hightime for a turn around I must bring about and stick to.

Cell was just a time of personal sharing as we are entering the 2nd quarter of the year, going back to our cell vision of being a "closely knitted family transfomed to be Christ like". I guess that's the difficulty when everyone's leading cells and we have our concerns and focus on our cells and segment. I won't deny I miss being part of the NUS cell. But as we shared about our personal lives and one new thing happening in our lives (or at least tried to, I think everyone can agree that a new thing can be quite hard to think of lol), I think of NUS -> NIE. When this first started out it was the fantastic four of Joel, Daryl , Ivan and myself. After our first sem Joel went over to business and we reformed as the three musketeers (remember the names k, it might just be your 20 million dollar question some day!) If I go over to NIE next sem it'll be down to a dynamic duo... Feel quite bad about it, it's like pang seh-ing them. Wtb classes and school activites like back in secondary school and JC, universities are so academic focused it's evil. At least from my lousy biased sample size of so far just, one. All that said I'm most grateful and thankful for the company over the past few days. Might have been short, not much might have been done and my terribad laptop kept going crazy needing a gazillion refreshes, but I appreciate the times. I don't wish to leave Eusoff either, and I wish I could stay on while studying in NIE, but I'm afraid it's just not possible...

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So it was that someone was blessed, it brought a smile to her face and I'm glad it did =)
Seems like what I tried to capture of the chorus managed to come through, and yes that is a teardrop in the rain.

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Another song plays on as I write, making me think of something else, playing around with ideas, another picture to draw. There's something about graphite that makes it so much more expressive than colour. Maybe it's the raw-ness of it that matches the expression. But this picture will be for a different cause, a different place, a different time. Help me make it come through, once again it requires elements I've never done before, and God give me strength to complete it on that day, I know I'll be needing it...

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Mraz is incredibly poetic

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages, for words
More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive

Hey Mr. Curiosity
Is it true what they've been saying about you
Are you killing me?
You took care of the cat already

In a hurry to spell check me
And I'm underlined already in envy green
And pencil red

I should probably youtube him more. Oh and Korean crowds are amazing. Front row is all seats some more.

Seems like so little yet so much has happened today. Maybe especially because of what happened the last few hours... Guess I was absolutely caught by a song and some thoughts. Finished my metal alloy notes and was wondering if I should start or go for a run first. In the end I decided to just start cause the run to KAP would probably take too long and leave me too tired.

It's been quite awhile since I used my pencils. Fished them out of my pencil case and sharpened them. Grabbed a piece of paper and started sketching on it. Or at least I had intended it to be for sketching since I had to draw stuff I had absolutely no confidence of getting right. But everything fell into place rather smoothly and I just carried on, filling the paper bit by bit. The song played on repeatedly; the chorus capturing me as much as I tried to capture it down on paper... By the time I finished I was too drained to even think about going for a run. But I'm glad I finished the drawing. May someone be blessed.

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in a sea of pain...
Could the Maker of the stars,
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One light is all I am,
Right now I can barely stand...
If You're everything you say you are,
Won't you come close and hold my heart?

Gasping for breath...

Wednesday was a pretty smooth day for tutorials EG got them done pretty quick, but spent a LOT of time trying to fix firefox's flash plugin problem that keeps killing my web cast lectures. Gave up and decided to just use IE instead. Went down to West Coast Park for my first pick up today. The people were friendly and good. A lot of long throws into the deep straight through the defence. Long time since I've played ultimate, long enough for me to forget how tiring this game is... Nonetheless it was great fun, except for a really scary accident. I was making a cut into the open and looking at my team mate with the frisbee.

No pass.

Too far to the side now, I turned to look at the rest of the field...

*Oouuff* Ahhhhh *gasp for air*

Oh my god I heard the sound of soft tissue
Are you okay?
Can you breathe?

A defender from the opposition was following a member of my team who ran past me and just as I turned the defenders shoulder rammed straight into my lower ribs and abdomen. I was running fast on the cut too, making the impact even worse. Totally lost, I was partly in shock because it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly, partly in pain and had the air knocked out of me, partly scared because it was hard to breath and rib injuries are really scary because it moves everytime you breath. Slowly walked to the edge of the playing field while trying to ease my breathing. Everyone was really worried I fractured a rib or something. Sat down and caught my breath. Man, I could feel the whole impact zone... Felt that if I took my shirt off I would see a mini crater on my body lol felt "indented". Fortunately it subsided pretty fast. The game ended a few mintues after that as it was getting too dark. We broke into groups and continued to just toss. A girl from PJ (forgot her name) later asked if I was okay and said "uughhh sounded like liquid gushing out I'll never forget that sound ahhhhh". There was another Eusoffian who joined the game as well who was actually at WCP for a jog. So happens she heard about it before through rachel. The world sure is small... Didn't join the rest of the players for dinner since I had brought only cash but not a farecard lol. By then hall dinner was over so we went to Fong Sheng prata instead. Paid first since she didn't have cash with her. Over our conversation she mentioned about ECF and if I was interested to go join them. Not sure if I will, previously was just too busy, now I've intending to leave NUS in a few weeks so joining would be kinda strange too. I'll probably just go down though, since I'm not as busy now and a few people have asked me to...