Good news or bad news? News.

Caught up with Alina over lunch yesterday at PS. More questions, more sharing, more discussing; some things are just hard to explain, some things people will never understand.

And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

It's hard for others to understand when it's not typical. Maybe things aren't that bad, maybe things are worse than bad. But it surely is a perpetual discontentment, things can't change cause it's simply just out of my hands. For what it's worth I tried, I it gave a shot for months, but at best it was a slap in the face. Things can't change when this is what they want. Not even time helps; it neither heals nor softens nor washes away, its just numbs.

Give me something to remember...

Cause when I look back I don't see anything. It's not like they were merely not there. That would have been better. For most part they were the ones I had to fight against. Maybe if I was the eldest things would have been different. No mould to fit into, no comparisons and unsaid expectations, maybe I would have had the freedom to be who I am. But that's probably just wishful thinking, we're worlds apart...

When this is all over, I'm not sure I can bring myself to care...

***

Had dinner with Cheryl before she went for band practice today. Heard pretty unexpected things...

Will we all end up leaving?

Didn't know it was on the minds of others as well. Oldies who grew up here too. This place has changed so much, and part of me feels like this is just an empty place now. Will we all just go separate ways?

Good news or bad news? New-s

Can't really say if it's good or bad. But in time to come I guess it will be new-s. New chapters, new places, new paths for many of us...